Almost a week ago today, at 11:54PM on Wednesday, September 12th, 2012, I watched my grandmother (aka Nanay) take her last breath. She died peacefully with her loved ones surrounding her.
For someone that is exposed to death fairly often, dealing with death is never easy for me. Through the years I have learned ways to cope with the loss better, but it certainly is never something I have gotten "used to."
A week before she passed away (same day I found out I had cancer), was the last time I was able to have a conversation with my grandmother. In her own way, she had been mentally preparing us for her passing since her cancer diagnosis. She often told us she loved us; but that particular day felt different. She knew that was the last time we would speak to each other.
My mom called me a few hours before she passed, saying that she had a fever and they could no longer read her blood pressure. I told my mom to put her phone against my grandmother's ear so that I could talk to her. I heard her struggling to breath over the phone. It was heartbreaking. I've heard that labored breathing way too often, so I knew that she would not be able to make it through the night.
Over the phone I told her I loved her, and I told her that we would all miss her. I then told her that one day we would see each other again. She moaned and slightly nodded a YES (according to my family). Two hours later I was at her bedside and she was no longer responsive.
The last few minutes of her life, the nurse in me was counting her respirations, and feeling her capillary refill to check for circulation. I did this because my family was counting on me to tell them when it was going to happen. I watched her take her last breath, and then I told my family she was gone.
My grandmother was 85 years young.
I helped plan her services. We had exactly 65 hours to plan her viewing. I have attended several funerals, but I have never planned one, and I don't want to plan another one for an extremely long time.
I got a guestbook, and made memory cards so that people could share their favorite memories of my grandma.
My Memory:
When I was younger my family had an illegal (sshhh) cable box that was filled with every channel imaginable, including the "naughty" ones. My grandma is not tech savvy at all, so one day I went downstairs to find her watching one of the naughty channels. I said, "What are you watching?" She calmly sat on the couch and gave me the remote, "I don't know how to change it." Sure you don't. :)
I wrote a eulogy for one of the most amazing people I know. I spoke in front of hundreds of people. I cried. I spoke from the heart. I'm really glad that my family made me do it.
Oh and you see those flowers? I ordered those. They are her favorite color, and I bargained for them. Oh and the picture frame on the right? Costco can have prints ready in less than a day for $3! I got that huge frame at Michael's for $12 after sales and coupons! Do you know why I'm telling you this? Because my grandma was a very thrifty person, and she wouldn't want me to do it any other way.
She had saved up so much money that she paid for her funeral! She had saved up enough money so that no one in her family would have to be financially burdened to pay for her funeral. She saved enough so she can have a viewing in the United States, and viewings and a funeral in the Philippines. She also saved enough so that all her children could fly to the Philippines with no expense.
I also made a slide show that we played throughout the service. The first song was my aunt's choice, the following two songs were my choice. Warning: Included are photos of me from before I discovered a hair straightener. FRIGHTENING! My grandma loved me just the same even with my fro. :)
The key to surviving a funeral is surrounding yourself with supportive people. Like my cousin Rex who knows how much I love to laugh and was cracking jokes the entire service. My nephew, Lucas was a great distraction too, because I got my baby fix. Oh, and at some point I was singing and dancing to Hot Sundae from Saved By The Bell. Random, I know.
Surprise visits from friends are always a plus. I have known these girls for almost 20 years. Friendships can sometimes be like a marriage; through thick and thin my friends are always there for me.
On a side note, I am wearing a pearl necklace, bracelet, and earrings that I inherited from my grandma. She gave it to me shortly after she found out she had cancer. It is one of my cherished personal possessions now.
Above is a photo of my grandma with all her grandkids, grand & great grand nieces and nephews. She touched so many lives, and we will miss her so much.
2 comments:
Cece- I am so sorry to hear this, you are certainly having a bad month :( thankfully a new one is just around the corner. My grandma died over 2 years ago- its taken me this long to thank God for my time with her as opposed to yelling at him for taking her away, we had an unbelievable relationship and my biggest regret is not speaking at her funeral- I feel like I was one of the closest people to her but I was pregnant and it had taken me 2 days to get to Florida and I was so sick and miserable and beyond sad I just couldn't even focus on that. I will one day, I think about it a lot- what I will say- anyhow I can't imagine how tough it has been on you to grieve and do all that funeral planning- but good for you for giving her a proper send off.
I know, right! The song "Wake me up when September ends" is so fitting for me right now.
My grandma helped raise all her grandchild. She lived at my parents house on and off up until 2 weeks before she passed away. I think you could still write your grandma's eulogy. Maybe you can read it in front of some close loved ones, or even to Zeeva so she knows how much you cared for her.
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